Handling infidelity in your marriage
can be painful and devastating. Today's infidelity is a little different than
it was years ago. Years ago it was assumed that the husband was the one who
committed adultery if infidelity was uncovered. Today, women are just as likely
to have an affair. Also, with the social networks and technology that exist
today, folks are more likely to be tempted now than in the past. Sites such as
Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn etc are a wonderful way to network and socialize
but they can also act as a source of temptation.
There is no doubt a lot of pain,
anger, shame, shock resentment and disappointment felt when infidelity is
discovered. Despite all of the emotions involved, if couples receive the right
guidance for handling
infidelity, it is possible to put the marriage
back together. Keeping your marriage on track is far more important especially
if children are involved. This does not mean you should remain in an abusive
relationship as being abused physically and emotionally can be very damaging to
your self-confidence.
Whether you were the one who cheated
or the one who was betrayed you are most likely feeling like you have lost
something you both cherished very much. The bond and trust you have has been
taken away from you. Although not as permanent some relate the effect of
adultery as having lost a loved one. To some people, it’s a totally
unforgivable act, while others would forgive if the cheater actually confesses
and promises not to stray.
Tips For Handling Infidelity
Prepare
Yourself
One of the best things you can do to deal with the infidelity is get yourself mentally ready for this difficult
recovery process ahead. For some, this means taking positive steps to assure
yourself that in the end you will be OK. Regardless of how things turn out,
life will continue and you will do your best to live life to the fullest.
Handling infidelity with the mindset that life hasn't ended because of the
affair will help you get through this.
Expect
Resistance
OK, what would most people do when
confronted by their spouse about an affair? That's right, lie. The other
tactics will be to avoid conversations about the matter or just try to
overwhelm you by showing just how much they love you. I'm not excusing the
infidelity or lying but it's probably what happens in most cases. If you know
what to expect while handling infidelity you shouldn't be surprised by the
lying and perhaps you won't be that angry.
Be
Patient
Please keep in mind that you won't
have all of the answers you want or need and recovering from infidelity takes
time. You will have some good days and some pretty bad days. Your emotions will
be up and down and just when you think you are making progress something or
someone may get you off track. Don't make any rash decisions while handling
infidelity because there is no need to. Give yourself the best chance of full
recovery by using wisdom and if needed, getting good counsel.
Don’t
Judge
The moment you think your partner
is having an affair, be slow to judgment but rather, keep your eyes and ears
open to gather facts. Know where your suspicions come from and have a calm
conversation with your partner.
Never accuse, just ask. Keep your composure and handle this situation
with grace. Show him/her that you can listen to everything they have to say and
that you deserve to know the truth. Expect for denials; one after
another. Once you discover that an affair, don't expect them to immediately
respond, "Oops, I guess you've already found out. Yes, you got it
right!" Have patience with yourself and with the situation. Understand
that you'll be going through a range of emotions. And don't expect to get all
the answers to your questions right away.
Handling
infidelity in your own marriage will be so tough but just remember that
sometimes, even the tightest bonds are tested in time. Infidelity doesn't
always mean that it's the end of your marriage. It may be a deal-breaker in a
relationship but talk things over with your partner and see if there can still
be a chance to make things right. Just think of it as a test, and if your
spouse sincerely regrets it and wants to fix things with you, then it might
really be worth a shot.
Article First Written by D P Haynes
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