If
you're like me, every time you turn on the television, you see a story about a
celebrity couple that's divorcing due to an affair. The events reported are so
scandalous that we ask ourselves, "If this happened to me, how would I
handle it? Can my marriage survive infidelity?" Can I go through the rigours of having to
regain my self-esteem? Who would be my pillar of support in those trying times?
Infidelity
in a marriage is one of the most damaging experiences a married couple can
face. It is also one of the most common. Because of the damaging effects and
the feelings of shame, anger, bitterness, and embarrassment associated with
infidelity, most people believe that their marriage could not survive if their
spouse cheated. Its really hard on some other people because they actually
consider suicide though they might not carry it out.
The
reality is although it's not easy, a marriage can survive. It will take a
serious commitment on both sides, however, in order for it to work. There is a
lot of work involved and simply stating "we can't see each other
anymore" to the third wheel is only scratching the surface.
You
actually need to put in more effort to ensure that your marriage survives.
Below are the basic steps you need to take to ensure that your marriage
survives any form of infidelity.
1. Be Truthful
The
truth of the matter is that some marriages are beyond saving. First and
foremost, you need to take time to assess your marriage and the circumstances
around the affair. If infidelity is one of many symptoms of a continued pattern
of abuse in your relationship, or if there is more than one instance of
cheating, these could all be indications that you have a marriage that is
beyond repair.
2. Be Practical
Once
you've decided to save your marriage despite the infidelity, you need to
realize that your marriage as you know it is over. Allow the time to grieve
over your loss. During this grieving process, take a look at your marriage to
see what issues besides infidelity need to be brought out and dealt with. You
also want to avoid telling everyone because they may hold grudges longer than
you.
You
will also be experiencing a range of emotions in dealing with a spouse that is
guilty of infidelity. It is important to understand that your feelings of rage,
uncertainty, shock, agitation, fear, pain, depression and confusion are normal.
They can also produce a multitude of physical symptoms so it's important to
take care of your body. You may have reactions such as nausea, diarrhea,
irregular sleep, shakiness, and difficulty with concentrating and eating.
3. Be Patient
It
will take time to heal your marriage from the effects of infidelity. Sometimes
the cheater may have unrealistic expectations and may want everything to be
back to normal. Don't expect your mixed feelings, confusion, feeling in limbo,
and your mistrust to go away because you've made a choice to try to save your
marriage. There may be months or years of counseling involved. The cheating spouse
has to regain the trust of the cheated spouse. If you have children, they need
to be aware of what's going on and their feelings must be dealt with.
When
it comes to infidelity, there is no simple answer as to why someone becomes
unfaithful. It could be a symptom of other problems in the marriage or it could
relate to something in your spouse's past. It is possible that you may never
know the reason for the affair. You will need patience, understanding, and a
willingness to forgive.
Everyone
deals with relationship, financial, or self-esteem issues. The truth of the
matter is that we can all use a little tweaking.
Click
on the link below and Get First Hand Information on How
To Make Up with Your Partner
(After Infidelity) and How To Survive An Affair.
