Social Media might just Save your Relationship!!

A check of popular social applications such as Facebook, Twitter and Instagram show that marriages and relationships are portrayed as a fairy-tale, ‘happily-ever-after’ story. 

Reality check! When social media paints relationships as a fairy-tale, society is headed down the wrong path. 

"The use of the social media, like Facebook and Instagram, can also affect relations among married couples because of their insensitivity with the posting of unsuitable photographs and status," psychologist and Dean of the Education Faculty, Universiti Malaya, Associate Professor Dr Mariani Mohd Nor had stated earlier in January.

"When they express anger by sending messages in WhatsApp, it can give a different perception and intonation from what is actually intended by the sender," she told Bernama.

According to the Syariah Judiciary Department Malaysia (JKSM), statistics showed that the number of Muslim couples getting divorced rose by 2.3 times from 20,916 in 2004 to 48,029 in 2012.

The number of divorce cases went up to 53,870 in 2014, whereas the recorded divorce cases from January till August 2015 are 38, 035.

Since social media increasingly intrudes into the innermost corners of our personal lives, many recent studies and surveys have pointed the blame at this invisible digital domain as the cause of their relationships falling apart. 

What was once a tool for sharing party pictures and finding long-lost friends is now the reason behind many divorces as it contributes to online stalking of ex-boyfriends, or even current ones for that matter.

But is social media the main cause of couples breaking up? 

Malaysian Digest takes a closer look into actual stories on how couples are affected by social media and shares some tips on how to overcome it.

Social Media Is The New Relationship Minefield

Many relationships today start online as the initial courting process doesn't begin with asking someone in person out to dinner anymore but rather digital exchanges through a mobile messaging app or even liking the person's profile picture. Increasingly many marriages and romantic relationships have met their untimely ending online too as studies and research findings in the last few years suggest an increase in the number of people citing social media use as a cause of divorce year on year.

According to a survey conducted by a UK law firm Slater and Gordon in April last year, one in five couples ended up arguing about what they discovered about their partner after going on social media while one in seven people said they'd considered divorce because of their spouses' questionable activity on Facebook, Skype, Snapchat, Twitter or WhatsApp. 

“Five years ago Facebook was rarely mentioned in the context of a marriage ending, but now it has become common place for clients to cite social media use, or something they discovered on social media, as a reason for divorce," the law firm statement quotes.

Here are some of the most common causes of Divorce.

1. Posting Sexy Or Revealing Pictures Of Yourself

 Not all men are open minded to feel secure about their partners posting pictures of themselves in a bikini or revealing clothes.

Rueben, a final year engineering student from University Malaya, who ended his relationship a few months ago, says that “I obviously don’t have a problem you looking sexy, it’s the fact that you’re sharing it with the entire online world and it seems like you just want attention”.

Not only guys but even girls do think that pictures that exposes too much of one's body is inappropriate to be posted on social media.

“I broke up with my boyfriend because of this, whenever he posts a picture showing off his abs, there will be hundreds of likes and comments that make me jealous, why he needs such attention when he already has mine?” Sarah, a beauty consultant shared..

2. Excessively Keeping In Touch With Your Ex

It is not wrong to keep in touch with your ex, but you should know your limits and boundaries, once in a while greeting each other is okay, not liking all his statuses and posting cutesy comments on his photos.

You never know what is in his/her mind because for you it may be nothing but they might think you’re provoking jealousy or provoking attention from your current boyfriend, which is very dangerous for your present relationship.

Syazali, a secondary school teacher emphasized that “never ever befriend your ex on social media, you may fall back for them without realizing you’re losing your current partner. Do remember, there is a reason why he/she is your ex”.

Pei Qi, a junior lawyer shared that she accepted her ex’s request on Facebook because she didn’t want him to be a stranger to her. “After we became friends, he started his sweet talking and made me fall for him again, that led to us getting married. Sadly the marriage lasted less than two years”.

3. Being The Mega Creeper (Stalker)

It is common for us to give in to good old human nature and the urge to check on our partner’s pictures and posts, but there is a fine line you cross when start stalking the person and everything he/she does online.

Sometimes we spend time decoding his texts or we wonder what he meant by that cryptic status, but it’s definitely a turn-off to guys when they feel like you’re watching and obsessing about their every move.

“If something is bothering you about what your guy or girl has been doing online, talk to them about it. It’s important to communicate with your partner instead of making assumptions or getting possessive. No need to call them out on every like,” Anjali, a Masters student majoring in Psychology says.

4. Facebooking The Problem Instead Of Facing It

Most guys agree that you should steer clear from posting vague or passive-aggressive statuses. They always expect to go straight to the point as they don’t prefer to read between the lines.

Mathen, a marine engineer, says that if something is seriously distressing his girlfriend, he wants to hear about it before it goes on Facebook. “If I see some vague, frustrated status about her life, I’m going to assume it’s meant for me,” he says.

For Murali, posting or tweeting indirect messages seem to be immature. He feels that those posts that are online are visible to the whole world and it is indirectly telling them you’re unhappy with your life.

“Sometimes that message can give rise to rumours among your peers and acquaintances that she is having a problem in life, especially when others know who her partner is” he added.

How To Manage Emotional Intimacy In Relationships In The Age Of Social Media

Social media is here to stay. We cannot turn the other way and pretend it is not part of all our lives. While its easier to blame social media for ruining your relationship, lets face it, both parties in a relationship play a major part in whether a relationship is ruined or survives, not just Facebook, Skype, WhatsApp, WeChat or Snapchat.

For Gen Y netizens which includes myself and many of my peers, we pretty much grew up 'Facebooking' and seen countless relationships crash and burn online. So I reached out to my friends on Facebook and gathered some pointers on what are the tell-tale signs that your relationship is in trouble on social media.

1. You Get Upset With The Amount Of Time You Partner Spend Online

Quality time spent with your partner is very important to sustain a relationship. After a long day at work, definitely everyone would like to have a short chat with their partner and share their emotions. If your partner doesn’t have time to listen to you but have time to be on social media, there must be something wrong with that.

2. Your Partner Doesn’t Put Your Relationship On Display

If you have a partner who posts almost everything that he does, then suddenly not posting about your relationship is certainly a red flag. It is either he/she is not certain about the relationship or is doing something behind your back.

3. Your Partner Being Secretive Of Their Online Activity

It is important to give each other individual space and privacy but if he/she tends to hide or log out whenever they are with you, you guys clearly need to work on some trust and transparency issues. There shouldn’t be feelings of insecurity between couples when it comes to social media.

Similarly, my mini 'focus' group online agreed with the following time-tested do's and don't's on how to keep social media from driving a wedge between you and your partner as highlighted by certified life and relationship coach, Troy Spry in the blog paulcbrunson.com in the article 'Four Ways to Keep Social Media from Ruining Your Relationship' posted in December 2015.

1. Be Transparent On Your Relationship Status

That doesn’t mean you have to update the whole world on what you guys are up to, but they should know that you are in a relationship. If you are married in real but single online, it is a false message that you’re portraying to your virtual friends. You may not have any wrong intention, but you are indirectly creating a space for others to think that you are still available.

2. Communicate With Your Partner

If you find yourself more attracted to your virtual friends because they give you more attention than your partner, you should take this warning sign seriously. Your partner might have been busy with work that they fail to realize they have not been giving enough attention to you. Rather than telling the whole world about your problem and seeking attention, talk to your partner and come up with a solution.

3. Keep Your Facebook An Open Book

Everybody have a certain level of curiosity towards their partner’s online activity. It may look like they don’t trust you, but it is just that they need you to be open so that it’ll make both parties comfortable. This doesn’t mean you got to share your password with your spouse, but don’t do the sneaky stuff behind their back because hiding will only make it worst.

4. Know When To Keep Your Phone Aside

Make it a point to keep your phone away when you’re with your partner. They need the same attention that you look for. Always make your partner feel that they are equally important and you put them above your online friends because if they tend to feel they need to compete for your attention, it will not be healthy for the relationship.

Keep in mind, your mate needs just to have the capacity to trust you 100%, even past the screens of online networking and the Internet. Keep in mind that when those digital companions are gone, your significant other is the person who is really going to be there in person, where it makes a real difference. Try not to let your online friendships demolish your real relationship.

5 Ways To Save A Failing Relationship

All relationships go through challenges despite couples professing their deep love for each other, and when misunderstandings aren't easily patched up, couples can grow apart and become miserable.

Should ending failing relationships be the best course? For some couples, trying to save a relationship could turn things around. They say second chances can be lovelier - here's what you can do to save a failing relationship.

Read More: How To Save Your Relationship

1. Figure out your problem before doing something drastic. Think of bolting and leaving your partner behind? Reconsider everything first. You might find a new love and she could be better than your current girl. However, you might eventually lose the spark too. 

2. Talk it over and decide if you want to save the relationship. When you do make the decision to work it out, understand that it will require your physical, mental and emotional commitment. If one partner isn't willing to do this, then the relationship might not be worth saving.

3. Work on yourself. You want to figure out the problem so you pour energy into analyzing your partner's actions and behavior with the constant questions, which can be taken as an attack or control. The problems in your relationship don't lie on your partner alone when you've got issues to figure out with yourself.

4. Agree on becoming a team. Arguments will crop up when two people have so many issues to settle together. However, that's the idea - you need to figure things out as a team. Find a common ground and concrete solutions to your problems. Make suggestions, don't insist on "fixes." Make compromises, but first come up with a priority list or non-negotiables and boundaries so that there are no expectations. 

5. Acknowledge that you might need help from an expert. When conflicts never end despite your efforts, or when resentments still fester despite your talks and compromise, getting outside help might save the relationship. However, set realistic expectations when you do decide to go into couple's therapy as this will take time and there will be setbacks. 

Snapchat: How to use it to Catch Your Cheating Girlfriend

Well, Snapchat is not just a way to keep in touch with friends and family, its also a way to catch your cheating spouse. This was proved by one suspicious boyfriend against his girlfriend.

The guy has been suspecting that his girlfriend was cheating on him and he developed a very unique way to prove his suspicions and he was actually right. In this days of Social Media misadventures, one would believe that more people would be sensible with the way they interact with others online.

Guess what he did? Well, he took the first step by creating a FAKE account. Yes, he made up an account and used his friend’s pictures and started speaking with his girlfriend with the aim to catch her out.

 

This covert discussion continued and the suspicious boyfriend soon got what he suspected. His girlfriend soon started sending semi naked pictures which she captioned with a winking emoticon.

Unknown to her, the recipient was her boyfriend who had trust issues with her and although SnapChats are deleted after a few seconds, he was able take screenshots of the pictures as evidence.

He posted the pictures online on Facebook and tagged the mutual friend who his cheating partner had believed she was flirting with.

Well that is a very sensible way to use SNAPCHAT to catch your cheating partner. You too can look for ingeneous ways to catch your partner.

 

Cheating Wife Got Busted By Her Husband - Because Of A Stupid Mistake!

The dangers of cheating on your loved ones. Here a married woman sends pictures to her Husband through Snapchat and ended up blowing up her secret relationship. The Husband must have been excited when the pictures came in but.......

Well you will be disgusted and also laugh at the same time as you go through the pictures below:

Take a look.

 Well, have a look at the next picture she sent to him.

But Mr. husband wasn’t amused one bit. Why? Because he got to know she was cheating on him! How did he get to know? Well, we could tell you right away but it would totally ruin the epic response this guy had to his wife cheating on him.  Read their conversation below and have a good laugh at the woman! This is probably the most stupid mistake anybody has ever made!

Sure you scrolled back up to see the boots!!

How exactly would she explain away those BOOTS? We are at a loss here too. 

Why Do People Cheat on their loved ones?

So why do people cheat? Ultimately, people cheat because their needs are not being met, whether these are emotional, relational, or sexual needs. That’s the number one reason that people give for cheating. Of course, we don’t know whether these reasons are also excuses that people come up with afterwards when researchers are asking them Maybe sometimes it’s pure indulgence for some people. Some people are hedonists and they believe in seeking out pleasure and pleasure above all. Some people are sociopathic narcissists and they simply don’t care; they don’t have guilt or remorse and they take whatever comes their way. So, people cheat for a variety of reasons.

However, most commonly given reasons are unmet needs in the relationship. So, if you’re not being heard, if you’re being unappreciated, if you’re emotionally abused, if you’re ignored, if you’re feeling taken for granted – that’s a big one – you will be more predisposed to cheat. If your sex life has dried up, if it seems like you’re not really connecting anymore or if it unsatisfying and somebody else comes along who seems exciting and interesting and sexually attractive, of course, you would be prone to cheat as well. And morality, religiosity, all of those things also play into the desire to cheat as well. And cultural norms, if you’re in a culture that’s more permissive about polyamory, perhaps you’re more likely as well to be open to infidelity.

So, there is not one reason.

However, to avoid cheating, look for unmet needs and negotiate, compromise, talk about them, communicate as much as possible because a lot of partners are willing to actually meet their partner’s needs if that partner just lets them know that, "This is what I need. I need more hugs, I need more compliments, I need to be dating, I need more courtship, I need more attention," you know, "perhaps I want to try something different sexually, I wanna be a little more adventuresome," And communicating those needs to your partner is paramount to keeping your relationship vital and alive.

How to Catch Cheating Husband.

You have taken the sacred vows, "FOR BETTER, FOR WORSE" to be together forever. But you've seen the video, and you're 100% percent sure that was him with another woman. What do you do?

A lot of women would feel you have to choose any of 3 decisions:

1. Throw Him out of the house and divorce him.
2. Forgive Him and move on.
3. Run away from the issue and never bring it up.

The 3rd option is a definite 'NO' and it would not make any difference to the issues already existing, so don't let it linger on your mind as an option to take. You are left with two options which includes Saving your Marriage by forgiving him or filing for Divorce are skinning him alive!!

READ MORE: Want to know if your Man is a Cheating Liar. Click Here

Divorcing Your Husband 

Divorcing your life partner  - when he has been caught on video - seems like the only option, at least initially. If you throw your cheating husband out, he would have to pay for his indiscretions, and this sends a message that your emotions are not to be played with.

Admittedly, kicking him out may seem like a very easy thing to do because he did you wrong. But, when you double check, it's hard to make such a big decision almost impulsively. Both of you took vows to dedicate your lives for each other and to each other, to look out for each other - to be with each other during good times and not so good times. So... even though you are extremely hurt by what he's done, you're not sure you can just give up on what's left of the marriage (if there is anything left).

If you choose to divorce him, make sure that you really want to take this decision. You may have a million questions to ask him - and the right time to ask is now, since these answers would determine the future quality of your relationship. Truthfully, your questions may never get answered if you don't talk to him now before it's too late.

Furthermore, communication has always been key to maintaining harmony in a relationship, and his infidelity is a big sign that there has been a large communication gap between the two of you. If, after talking it out completely with him, and nothing good is still coming out of it, it is only then that you consider a permanent separation.


Forgiving Him

Forgive him and move on? This is more difficult to do, especially at the onset of finding out about his infidelity. You may not want to let your husband for several reasons - maybe you cannot provide for yourself, or you simply can't imagine yourself living alone.
If these are your answers, then you are in trouble. With these answers as your reasons, you will get nothing in return, but depression. Even though it isn't right for a husband to blatantly cheat on his wife, she should never put herself in a financially dependent position.

If you so dearly want to forgive him, and continue your lives together, you have to understand why he acted that way, and why you want him back. I once again encourage communication. You have to understand why he cheated on you. If there's something unsatisfactory in your marriage, then you need to take responsibility to help fix it. But if he's a blatant cheating idiot, you need to step and tell him to kick that BS elsewhere!

Wish you luck in the decision you make.

2 Ways to Catch Your Cheating Husband

Have seen the signs, and your mind has been putting the pieces together. Your husband has been coming home late or keeps very long hours under the pretext of work. When your husband comes home, after a silent dinner, he hops online and dismisses your questions with weird excuses... If you're worrying that your honey is up to something funny, and you truly want to find out, here are some approaches that might just help confirm what you suspect.

But before you rush all into this process, you need to spend a few days thinking about what you intend to do if or when your worst suspicions are eventually confirmed. You need to ask yourself if you so committed to your partner that you would never bring an end to the relationship, whatever the outcome of your sleuthing? If so, then it may be better to turn a blind eye to their indiscretions and spare yourself the agony of knowing the sordid details. Is believing that your husband is cheating on you in the first place an indication that there is something fundamentally wrong with your relationship, and you simply want an excuse to end it? In which case, it is on the rocks already, and it may be more productive devoting your energies to rescuing it or just getting out altogether.

 So, once you decide to investigate, be prepared to deal with what you find, good or bad.

1. Use a baby monitor.

This is really cheap, low-tech way of listening in. Of course, if there are no babies in your life at the moment, this can be a bit tricky, but you can get around that. Wait till he goes out "shopping" one day, and hit the local gizmo shop. Get a basic baby monitor, a can of spray paint that will blend with where you will put the transmitter, and a roll of matching masking tape (just in case the transmitter has blinking LEDs on it).

• Paint the transmitter (the baby/secret side) with the spray paint. Cover up the microphone hole before you paint so you don't gum up the works, and don't over-paint. You don't want that thing to be stinking up the house.
• Go to the room where you think he'll be making calls, and keep the transmitter in a discrete location where he's unlikely to look. Behind some books, or the couch, or if you're really hapless, somewhere in the bedroom or bath.
• Power it up, and put a portable radio in the room turned down to about human-whisper-and-giggle level. Go into your man(woman) cave, and turn on the receiver. Can you hear the radio? If so, you're ready to go. If not, make adjustments until you can hear the transmitter signal clearly.
• When that phone call comes, and he says "I have to get this... it's work," say, "Okay, honey, I'll be in the man cave surfing the 'Net for..." (You can say anything there: after he hears Okay, honey, I'll be..., he'll already have too much adrenaline pumping through her to hear you, anyway.) Go to your room, turn on the monitor, power up your recorder (phone, tape, whatever you've got), and listen to what happens next. Should you hear what you fear, call him a taxi, and send Mr. Macho on a one-way ticket to town. Of course, if you hear "Okay, I'll have that report by tomorrow, boss, and I.... wait, what's this... a transmitter?," you might want to take that taxi yourself. You're going to be in hot water.

2. Record digitally with a digital recorder.

There is a range of digital records, from pens, or thumb drives, or even phone look-alikes that are voice activated. That means you can just set one wherever you think your spouse may go for his or her phone fun, and when it happens, the electrical spy will spring into action, like a steel trap. Check that trap at your convenience, and good luck!

There you are. You can always look out for more ways to stop him from cheating on you but remember that there are consequences if he is truly not cheating and catches you instead.

3 Ways To Mend A Broken Heart

One of the most traumatic things that can happen to a person is to have a breakup with the one that you love. Breakups occur every minute and every hour of the day. They are nothing new in any society. That's all well and good but what happens if you are the one going through the pain of a breakup? You are probably wondering what the best ways to mend a broken heart are.

There are many ways to mend a broken heart. Some will work better for you than others. You'll need to find the one method that works best for you because of your interests, personality, or lifestyle.

 

Read More Here:   How to Heal Your Heart Break

1) Find a cause. There's nothing like a worthy cause to occupy your mind and your time. This is why it's such an effective method for getting over and recovering from a broken heart. If you fill your every spare moment with thoughts and actions dedicated to helping your cause (children's hospital, favorite charity, habitat for humanity, and countless other worthy causes) you'll find less of your time is devoted to thinking about your broken heart or worrying about what your ex is doing, who your ex is with, and why your ex left.

2) Become your own cause. If there isn't a cause out there that really interests you become your own project. What area of your life can you improve? Would you like to go back to school? How about traveling to see the world? Want to get into shape? Learn a new skill? You can do all of these things now without worry over what your ex will think. Do them for you.

3) Start dating again. Love is a great healer. It makes sense that it is also one of the more effective ways to mend a broken heart. Allow yourself to love again and you'll enjoy many rewards. Avoid rebound relationships (relationships that are intense but brief because they go too far too fast) but open your heart so that you can find love again when you're ready.

Read More Here:   How to Heal Your Heart Break