New York woman discovers her boyfriend was a cheat and a killer

AYANNA Dookie thought her boyfriend of three years was the perfect guy — until she Googled his name.

The 33-year-old stand-up comedian, from Brooklyn, revealed to the New York Post how she discovered that not only was her partner cheating on her, he was also a cold-blooded killer.

Ms Dookie said she was immediately smitten with her boyfriend, Spike, after the pair first met at a party.

“When I met Spike in 2004 at the age of 24, I’d never had a real boyfriend,” she said.

“I’d had countless one-night stands and ‘uhhh, it’s complicated’ situations, but never anyone steady.

“So when I met Spike at a party and we went out once and then started dating, I couldn’t believe my luck. 

He was the boyfriend I’d been craving for years.”

While things were going well, Ms Dookie began to notice signs that things weren’t quite right.

“About a year into the relationship, a girl I’d never met before took me aside at a party and said, ‘I know where I know your boyfriend from.’ The implication was that she’d seen him with another woman.

“Without missing a beat, I said, ‘I don’t want to know,’ and walked away.

“What was important to me was that I had a man. So what if there were other girls?”

Ms Dookie added she was “fine living my life in denial” — until she received a fateful text message from a friend, three years into her relationship with Spike.

Comedian Ayanna Dookie discovered her boyfriend was a cheater and a killer.

“So sorry about what happened,” the text read.

“What are you talking about?” Ms Dookie replied.

“Just Google Spike’s real name,” was all her friend would say.

Ms Dookie booted up her computer and typed in the name of her boyfriend.

“I froze as I read the chilling words — it said he was ‘being held for the murder of his girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend’,” she said.

“It didn’t make any sense. I was Spike’s girlfriend. I didn’t even have any ex-boyfriends. The reporter must have made a mistake.

“But it turned out that the news story was correct. Spike had allegedly killed his girlfriend’s former lover. Except the girlfriend wasn’t me.

“Of all the ways to find out that your boyfriend is cheating on you, this one took the cake.”

It turned out one of the women Spike was cheating with had a “crazy ex-boyfriend” who broke into the house one night when Spike was staying over.

There was a fight between the two men, and Spike shot the ex-boyfriend eight times, killing him.

“At the time, it was devastating — not because what happened confirmed that Spike was cheating, but because my boyfriend was locked in jail on $US100,000 bail,” Ms Dookie told the New York Post.

“At first, to the disgust of my friends, I decided to stand by my man. But a couple of weeks later I had a wake-up call. Did I value myself so little that I was going to play the part of the loyal girlfriend when he had treated me so badly?

“I never contacted Spike again, but I heard through the grapevine that his lawyers were able to get him off on grounds of self-defence.

“Now, I can’t believe that I once suffered from such lack of self-esteem. Today, I have a steady boyfriend, but I don’t need a boyfriend to define me. In many ways, Spike did me a favour.”

 SOURCE: http://www.theaustralian.com.au

'Sexually transmitted debt' is a thing

 WHEN you get into a new relationship, there's so much to look forward to and plenty of exciting things to discover about your new partner - but several maxed out credit cards and a high-interest personal loan aren't one of them. You see, your own debts and financial situation aren't just affecting you anymore, they can also place negative implications on your significant other.

Put it this way, if one person has a big credit card debt, it may affect a couple's ability to get a home loan. Or if one party defaults on their credit card payments, the bank may come after a couple's joint assets. People tend to not reveal their personal debts because they feel ashamed, but it is important for couples to have the 'money talk' sooner rather than later. Here's how to be STD smart.

Read More: Burst your Cheating Partner!

 

Sharing your intimate details

Starting a new relationship can be an exciting time, learning about the other person's favourite colour, if they are a cat or dog person, what they like to eat and so on. But sometimes you need to ask more probing questions, like how many credit cards they have and how much they owe on each card. While you are at it, maybe check whether they have store cards, a car loan, personal loan or even a home loan. Be it good or bad, it's important to know your partner's intimate details.

Developing a strategy

Managing debt is important. Be sure to ask your partner how long they've had the debt and what steps they are taking to pay it off. For example, if they've had credit card debt for many years, they will need to make more than the minimum repayments to pay it off. The general rule of thumb is to pay off bad debt like credit cards first as they usually have the highest interest rates. With multiple credit card debt, it may be worth rolling this in to one low-interest card to save on interest. It may even be worth getting the scissors out to remove any further temptation.

Read More: Burst your Cheating Partner!

Is Facebook ruining your relationship?

Is Facebook ruining your relationship?

Facebook is changing the world in ways Mark Zuckerberg never expected.

One in three US divorce filings involving unreasonable behaviour last year included the word Facebook, a Divorce Online survey recently revealed.

Read More: 100 Sex Games For Couples

 

The findings are backed by research from the American Academy of Matrimonial lawyers, which also found more than eight out of 10 lawyers said there had been an increase in the role of social media in divorce proceedings.

K Jason Kfrafsky, the author of the book Facebook and Your Marriage, points to eight problems Facebook can create in relationships, including getting back in touch with an old flame, or flirting on status updates, pictures or pokes.

Facebook can also cause problems if people air their dirty laundry or over-share on the site.

"Using Facebook to announce marriage problems, debate marital issues or rant on a spouse is only going to make a conflicted relationship more 'complicated,'" he writes on the website Techlationships.

Developing an over-dependence on the site, or spending more time with the animals on Farmville than real-life ones, can also cause problems, Mr Kfrafsky says.

"Unrealistically comparing the new and exciting information people are posting online with the drab and boring life from one's own real-time existence can create all kinds of problems."

Mr Kfrafsky recommends couples discuss online boundaries for their relationship to safeguard against a Facebook-fuelled divorce.

Read More: 100 Sex Games For Couples

 

How to save your marriage in two minutes

It’s the little things that end up destroying a marriage, but it’s also the little things that can save one. Well, according to a new book.
 

Yes, there is a quick fix.

But the trick is using the quick fix, consistently. Based on the “nudge theory” where small adaptations to a relationship applied consistently can build a better one, Poelman provides an array of tips which are each under the two minute mark.

Stop your Divorce and Save Your Marriage

And here are three of them.

Celebrate their milestones:

“Next time your other half has good news, celebrate it properly - be it with a bottle of something sparkling, or simply enthusing at length about how wonderful they are,” claims Poelman in the book.

As Poelman points out, you do it for your friends, so why wouldn't you do it for your partner?

Give them a warm welcome, everyday:

Greeting your partner after time apart – whether that be for days or hours – can impact the rest of your day or evening.

If you make the effort to greet them properly, positively and show interest in their day, it will make the rest of yours, together, better.

“However tired or grumpy you are, make it a priority to greet your other half in a loving manner,” advises the book.

Seal it all with a kiss:

“It sounds strange, but can you remember when you and your husband last kissed passionately? No? Then you're not alone,” says Poelman in the book.

“Studies show that one in five married couples go without kissing for as long as a week at a time, often because they are simply too busy.”

Research conducted by Arizona State University which found couples who kissed regularly were more satisfied in the relationship, had decreased cholesterol levels and were less stressed.

So if not for your partner, do it for yourself.

Stop your Divorce and Save Your Marriage